I have said in the past that I would never do the long distance thing. It is irrational to attempt to conduct a relationship when you are so far apart let alone a really hard experience where I was burned on it before. It is hard to delve into a relationship when I can't see their expression.
I had begun to adjust of living the single life to the full. Doing my thing in Nelson, doing the Summer Ministry Team, looking at other places to move. My temperament and skill set works well as one that moves around.
I've realized that a girl who wants to be with me has to be one who can do without a lot of things that our culture says is important.
I've realized that although I may be admired by some, that it is a different story when it comes to joining with me in a relationship.
I'm aware that my faith is not as orthodox as some would like it to be and I didn't want it to be a shock and somehow upset everything.
I could tell that she liked me. I can't really explain how. She smiled a little too much, eyes twinkled a little. It was either she liked me or was planning to con me of my inheritance. But I figured it was a little crush and I wasn't about to get distracted from what I was at the camp to do and that is to be with the kids and work on projects. At the time, I liked her too, but it was one of those scenarios where maybe if things were different it would work.
On some days off, I spent time with her and I knew she was a great girl, but I looked at the situation and my past and I really didn't consider the relationship to be viable.
She invited me to her parent's place for a few days after camp and at the back of my mind, I was unsure of what to do. She was falling for me and I believed it to be a lost cause and I was going to be the villain when I would break her heart. I tried to warn her and let her know the summer was not going to end the way she wished it to end.
I agreed to go nonetheless, because I liked spending time with her. She was sincere and I didn't have the heart to be cruel despite in the end I knew I would be far more cruel in leading her on.
On one of the last nights of camp, when the kids had gone to bed, she and I talked about the weekend. We were talking about what our relationship would look like after camp. I was saying that it was not going to work. Not right now. I'm going back to Nelson and she's off to school in Edmonton and neither of us should change our plans because of this. I said, if it were a different time and place and perhaps in the future it would work to pursue something.
What happened next is what changed it for me.
She told me that not trying would not cut it for her. She opened up and I saw that it was more than some crush. She not only liked me, but liked me enough to push against me. I had told her for a while that it would not work and that at the end of the summer I wasn't going to pursue anything. Despite the odds of me not going along with it, she thought I was worth it enough to defy my pessimism. If you knew her, you'd realize that she is normally a passive and quiet girl. One who accommodates for others. I did not expect her to say anything like what she said because it was out of character for her and because no girl has stood up and told me how she felt about me.
Suddenly, I saw her different. Not only has this girl encouraged me and supported me, but she actually felt passionately for me.
I tried to resist. Really, I did.
However, now the long distance thing was an annoyance, but then I remembered they have Skype, planes, trains and automobiles.
Now, my wanderlust is not a detriment to a relationship, but perhaps I can wander near her next.
Now, maybe this girl cares more about the guy I am than the things I have.
Now, maybe this girl actually admires me and believes in me.
Now, maybe our faiths can grow together.
I some times assume my story is supposed to be one where things don't go my way. That it's my lot in life.
Every once in a while, it's nice to be wrong.
"Hey, you've got to hide your love away
Hey, you've got to hide your love away
How can I even try
I can never win
Hearing them, seeing them
In the state I'm in
How could she say to me
'Love will find a way'
Gather 'round all you clowns
Let me hear you say,
'Hey, you've got to hide your love away
Hey, you've got to hide your love away.'"
- "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away" from the Beatles' album "Help!"