Hey, Chotchmo. Want to be a Vampire?

I have finally adjusted my sleeping habits to the midnight shift warrior who bravely faces the cold, dark night with a boldness that mortal men tremble before. I go to sleep at the crack of dawn. I guess that's more of a vampire than a warrior. I mean warriors go to bed at night generally. If you're going to be pillaging other civilizations with a bloodthirsty rage, you're going to need the sleep.

Anyway, back to the point that I'm a vampire. It has required me to change my other habits. Like keeping vampire hunters at bay. And ordering that "Vampires Quarterly" magazine. The pictures are ok, but the articles are a little bland.

Oh, and all that stuff that they say about how vampires are kept at bay with garlic is a total lie. I still eat garlic. A lot. Perhaps too much. The guy at the pizza place asks if I want garlic on it, and I'm like, "Pile it on there. Put as much as what is legally allowed. Maybe a little more," and the guy would look at me. It's probably because he thinks he might get in trouble for putting that much garlic on.

Anywho, I really like the midnight shift (there's a pizza place next door with a sweet supply of garlic), but the tragic thing is that they just gave me two morning shifts. C'mon, what are you doing to me? Everybody knows that the morning shift is the new midnight shift.

I'm afraid of what all of this will do to me with all this sleep schedule changes. Especially now that I'm a vampire. From what I remember of vampires, they don't like mornings. I assume it's because the traffic is bad in the mornings and all that pent up anger kind of ruins their day.

I should really learn more about this whole vampire thing. I don't really know anything about them. It was kind of silly. I was just sitting there and the vampires came around and they said, "Hey, chotchmo. Want to be a vampire?" and I'm like, "Why not? I got nothings goings on. Sign me up for all that."

I suppose I could just back out, but that's a lot of red tape, so I think I'll just hang in there. Besides, the magazine subscription is free as long as I'm a member.